Author Topic: Help, I keep lashing out at people  (Read 1207 times)

Offline HelpMe

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Help, I keep lashing out at people
« on: March 29, 2016, 04:35:03 pm »
I am out of control. Tonight, because a retailer did not take a large returned purchase off my bill, I lashed out on the phone to a poor customer service woman. I do this frequently. Also, it has been years since I laughed, or even had a friend to talk to. My wife passed away many years ago and I feel like things getting worse for me.
Help!!!!!

Offline meez

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2016, 09:46:38 pm »
HelpMe,

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting.  Being angry, regardless of the reason, is a very natural part of being human.  If you are at a point where you believe that anger can't be controlled (especially if you see it escalating), find someone to help.  Someone in a sangha, a counseling service, church, it doesn't matter, just start somewhere.  There are people out there that care and are willing to spend their time to help you .

I sincerely hope you can move past this.  Life is very, very short, my friend.  Please don't spend yours in anger.  You deserve better and are capable of overcoming this.

Offline Richard1980

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2016, 05:54:47 pm »
I can imagine how you are suffering and, when we know the pain, it's hard to keep ourselves indifferent to the suffering of other people (and I think it's because, essentially, we all are connected someway). I think the first step is recognize you need help. Therapy helps a lot, because you will begin to understand the movements of mood and, somehow, begin to control it, but it takes time. Anyway, according to Dalai Lama, every meaning change takes time... so, you have to be patient and persevering. I also think that is important to change several aspects of life, not only one: going to a therapist, change  alimentation, habits, meditate, among other things...

Anyway, it's common that, sometimes, we get angry for some reason. After all, we are humans... it's a part of our existence, it's the impermanence of universe, what's a basic element in Buddhist perspective. The problem rises when these states of mood begin to turn a trace of everyday life. It's when we have to recognize we need help.

My friend, you are not alone! I wish you strenght!

Offline zafrogzen

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #3 on: April 01, 2016, 10:36:44 am »
Anger in men is associated with depression, which makes sense -- when life isn't going the way they want, men tend to get angry.

Fortunately there are many antidotes to depression, because there is usually a chemical component.  You might try St. John's Wort. It is harmless for most folks, unless they are on medication that reacts to it, and it does the same as anti-depressants without the side effects.

Simple things like exercise, gardening and getting out in nature, generate anti-depressant compounds in the body. Laughter also produces positive chemicals. Smiling and laughter do not have to be a result of something funny to work -- research has shown that just moving your face muscles to smile or laugh has the same effect on the body.

Finally, if you're hard on others, you're likely hard on yourself. Practice mindfulness, and see if you can notice when you start lashing yourself and instead be kind to yourself. Only God is perfect -- and sometimes I wonder about her.

Getting out of the house and associating with others is also beneficial. Volunteering, joining groups or taking classes can make a big difference.

All this is easy to say, but you have to take some positive action yourself. I hope this helps.
My first formal meditation training was with Shunryu Suzuki in the 60's and later with Kobun, Robert Aitken and many other teachers (mainly zen). However, I've spent the most time practicing on my own, which is all I do now. I'm living in a rather isolated area so I miss connecting with other practitioners. Despite my interest in zen I've made an effort to remain secular. You can visit my website at http://www.frogzen.com

Offline jbleiche

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2016, 01:45:57 pm »
Hi HelpMe - The fact that you are aware of your anger and looking for ways to handle it skillfully is admirable in and of itself. I recommend exploring Pema Chodron's teaching's on "remaining like a log," which addresses how to respond when you experience strong feelings like anger or aversion. Despite how it might sound, remaining like a log is not a practice of repressing or ignoring your feelings, but rather noticing the feeling and working with it in a skillfull way that minimizes harm to yourself and others. You can read about this at the below link, and I also recommend listening to Pema Chodron's audiobook Bodhisattva Mind, which goes into the practice in great detail (about 2 hours before the end).

I hope that is helpful!

https://books.google.com/books?id=G5hpoKt-uekC&pg=PA129&lpg=PA129&dq=%22remaining+like+a+log%22&source=bl&ots=hGJW6WCbJK&sig=ySlYpINOAg-qJESkp-jGe7Lkt7o&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjc367C9NfMAhWnpYMKHcpRAsIQ6AEIIjAB#v=onepage&q=%22remaining%20like%20a%20log%22&f=false


Offline MissGrape

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #5 on: May 16, 2016, 11:35:37 am »
Is there a particular chant or passage that you find peacefulness with? If so, I suggest repeating the chant or mantra over and over when you feel this anger rising in you. Try deep breathing techniques, and meditation as often as possible.  :namaste:
:buddha: ~ Watcher on the Wall ~ :buddha2:

Offline ECS

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Re: Help, I keep lashing out at people
« Reply #6 on: July 24, 2016, 06:19:27 am »
I am out of control. Tonight, because a retailer did not take a large returned purchase off my bill, I lashed out on the phone to a poor customer service woman. I do this frequently. Also, it has been years since I laughed, or even had a friend to talk to. My wife passed away many years ago and I feel like things getting worse for me.
Help!!!!!

Perhaps " Buddhism" is not a answering machine or finding you a solution to your problem....perhaps Buddhism is  the natural process that lead you into realizing you are " the problem".........is the natural process that lead you realizing you are the emotion , you are the anger , you are the love , you are the desire , you are the ego ..........and if you continue to hold on to what you are , you will continue to suffer ....

 


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