Author Topic: Should I go to the funeral?  (Read 840 times)

Offline blackandtan

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Should I go to the funeral?
« on: September 05, 2015, 06:47:10 pm »
My father left my family when I was 12 after years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. He passed away this week after a brief illness. I sent him a card after no contact for 21 years to simply say I forgave him. My uncle contacted my brother and I to tell us about his illness and it was my form of closure to send the card. His funeral is this coming week and I am unsure of what to do. Does it harm me to go or to not go? Is it the right thing to do for my karma or is that a selfish act? I'm very confused on what to even feel about the situation, let alone the spiritual side.

Offline popsthebuilder

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Re: Should I go to the funeral?
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2015, 07:13:56 pm »
My father left my family when I was 12 after years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse. He passed away this week after a brief illness. I sent him a card after no contact for 21 years to simply say I forgave him. My uncle contacted my brother and I to tell us about his illness and it was my form of closure to send the card. His funeral is this coming week and I am unsure of what to do. Does it harm me to go or to not go? Is it the right thing to do for my karma or is that a selfish act? I'm very confused on what to even feel about the situation, let alone the spiritual side.
Peace is key to comfort and harmony for all involved.

Faith in selfless Unity through Good


Offline bram

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Re: Should I go to the funeral?
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2015, 07:36:39 pm »
Go. It will not harm you, and it might be your last chance for closure.

Offline Dharmakara

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Re: Should I go to the funeral?
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2015, 10:42:35 pm »
Hi Blackandtan and welcome to FreeSangha

As for the question you've asked, there's really no need to look any further than a very well-known Dhammapada verse to find your answer:

"He abused me, he beat me,
 he defeated me, he robbed me"
 --- in those who harbour
 such thoughts hatred
 will never cease.
 
"He abused me, he beat me,
 he defeated me, he robbed me"
 --- in those who do not harbour
 such thoughts hatred
 will cease.

(Dhp. 1:3-4)

When a person holds on to the past, that he's been insulted, assaulted, abused, ect., his anger continues to increase and has no way of subsiding, but the anger quickly vanishes in those who forgive the wrongs done to them --- in other words, "closure" actually requires a person to transform the anger into compassion for the other person.

Offline Inner Peace

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Re: Should I go to the funeral?
« Reply #4 on: September 08, 2015, 05:31:54 am »
Go to the funeral my friend.
He was your father and holding onto grudges because he has been absent for a great deal of your life will only cause you pain in the future.
Wipe the slate clean and show your final respect.

 


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