Author Topic: Moving from addiction to connection  (Read 1359 times)

Offline zafrogzen

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #15 on: February 16, 2017, 08:53:47 am »
Oh, and then there's my internet addiction. I should be sitting zazen instead of typing this.
My first formal meditation training was with Shunryu Suzuki in the 60's and later with Kobun, Robert Aitken and many other teachers (mainly zen). However, I've spent the most time practicing on my own, which is all I do now. I'm living in a rather isolated area so I miss connecting with other practitioners. Despite my interest in zen I've made an effort to remain secular. You can visit my website at http://www.frogzen.com

Offline Solodris

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Medical emergency
« Reply #16 on: February 18, 2017, 12:38:30 am »
This looks bad, I can't stop smoking the research chemical I bought, the transcendent dimension in the spiritual ecstasy of going into insight meditation while physically falling apart after days of malnutrition and no sleep exposes the deepest blissful connection between object and desire.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #17 on: February 18, 2017, 12:58:50 am »
Dancing with the gopis, hinting at divine completion, the mania of Buddha makes no sense but to cause distress. Is he delusional? Is this a lesson?

Having an encyclopedic knowledge about psychology and observing the hyper-sexuality temptation in mania would probably be an epidemic of heart-broken gopis.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #18 on: February 18, 2017, 01:24:29 am »
Inhaling a pyrrolidin-cathinone derivate, a process begins that is referred to as NDRI, Norepinephrine- Dopamine- Reuptake Inhibition, the pharmacokinetic reaction resembles that of Cocaine. The main difference though, is that when you combine a pyrrolidine chemical component with cathinone, you have basically hit the gold vein of a synthetic produced stimulant that hits the reward receptors in the brain.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #19 on: February 18, 2017, 05:15:38 am »
Issue resolved. Nothing here is worth any attention.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #20 on: March 29, 2017, 02:02:17 am »
Hey, I have two questions following my recovery:

1. Is there a noticeable change in my behavior?

2. Am I making beneficial contributions or does something need to change?

Thanks.

Offline francis

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #21 on: March 29, 2017, 05:54:00 am »
Hi Solodris,

To answer your questions.

1. Yes, there has been a noticeable change in your behaviour.

2. Your contributions are making a lot of sense and are beneficial.

Cheers :)
"Enlightenment, for a wave in the ocean, is the moment the wave realises it is water." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #22 on: March 31, 2017, 05:17:07 am »
Thank you francis, I really needed to hear that.

Offline Ron-the-Elder

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #23 on: April 04, 2017, 09:27:59 am »
Quote
Hi Solodris,

To answer your questions.

1. Yes, there has been a noticeable change in your behaviour.

2. Your contributions are making a lot of sense and are beneficial.

Cheers :)

Ditto +1.  I especially like your poetry.   :hug:
What Makes an Elder? :
A head of gray hairs doesn't mean one's an elder. Advanced in years, one's called an old fool.
But one in whom there is truth, restraint, rectitude, gentleness,self-control, he's called an elder, his impurities disgorged, enlightened.
-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #24 on: April 09, 2017, 10:58:37 am »
The loving-kindness here radiates with me throughout the days.

Offline Anemephistus

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #25 on: September 14, 2017, 11:47:17 am »
I cannot claim I own any of this, I did not develop it, its wisdom saved me and resulted in realizations, but those too are covered by others who have made the realizations both first, and possible for others. My experience as I describe it is not really “mine” either, but I share it with you, in the hopes it will benefit you, I invite you to view it and look for what is the same between us instead of different.


Quote
This is basically my life: Depression, talks to no one, then bored, turned to desperation and a drug binge peaks my mental and social activity which results in threads like this followed by a train-wreck. Sometimes followed by kung fu, yoga and meditation, but it always breaks into a drug binge eventually.

"Our habit energy is what causes us to repeat the same behavior thousands of times. Habit energy pushes us to run, to always be doing something, to be lost in thoughts of the past or the future and to blame others for our suffering. And that energy does not allow us to be peaceful and happy in the present moment."

"The practice of mindfulness helps us to recognize that habitual energy. Every time we can recognize the habitual energy in us, we are able to stop and to enjoy the present moment. The energy of mindfulness is the best energy to help us embrace our habit energy and transform it." -- Thich Nhat Hanh

The Satipatthana Sutta will help with developing the practice of mindfulness.


Quote
The only positive thing in my life is that I have found a girl more beautiful than words can describe, and she worships my intelligence, which is a bit of a weakness of mine since I am a little over-perceptive of my own abilities being somewhat different when it comes to how other people acquire and apply knowledge. I haven't seen her in a while though, but she's like me, she has the insanity condition too. She too over-binges on drugs just to completely switch to a super healthy life style like I do, but I'm teaching her meditative techniques, and mindfulness to lessen her greed. So that we may meet at some point, without circumstances holding us apart, just like the treatment homes did when we were at two different rehabilitation homes, but now we live in the same city!

You will not become sober for another person, It may work for awhile but to gain freedom from substance abuse I would relay the following from Alcoholics Anonymous:

1.We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

This was written by Christian Men who were suffering deeply from substance abuse. Their suffering lead them to seek an answer and it has become very sacred to those who practice it because it can, if applied, give you the tools to be free of this cycle of substance related suffering.

I have been exposed to this 12 step philosophy throughout my practice of Buddhism and I do not know where I would be without it, but I do know where am am because of it. You have, from your own sentiments tried your way to stop, and repeatedly found yourself back in this situation. Belief in "god" is not requisite, but if your higher power is the teaching of the Buddha, you must release yourself to it and recognize that it can free you if you turn yourself over to it. You will however need support from those in the same situation.

I too suffered and in some ways still suffer from substance abuse though I am clean now for many years from the drugs which ruined my ability to live happily. I too have a weakness for those who indulge my intellect and I too was on a cycle which I knew was wrong for me but saw no way in which to escape.

 I recall and will for the rest of this lifetime vividly know the pain of withdrawal and the joy of returning to drugs to only find the disappointment I had in myself, and I too suffer from anxiety, fear, and depression from time to time. I too am in this world with you somewhere and you are not alone in how you feel. There are a great many beings who share this pain with you, and they are suffering along side you right now though you do not know their faces or their names.

Quote
Ron the Elder said: In your case, it sounds like you already recognize that you need to do something to restore mental balance, but you find the rewards of "using" more rewarding than "not using".  Therefore, you have a choice to make.  "Stop!..or "Don't stop!"

As Buddha said to Angulimala, the mass murderer (para):  "The only way to stop is to stop."  Wanting to stop is not stopping.  Planning to stop is not stopping.  Wishing you had stopped is not stopping.  "Only stopping is stopping."   'Simple as that, and in the case of addictions, as difficult as that.


This was my personal experience summarized: I had a bad home life, the details would make it sound as though I think it was special, it was not, others have had it worse, but I will say as much as that I was somewhat legally Kidnapped, mentally and physically abused, and I convinced myself that it was a fulcrum upon which I could blame all of my problems and forgive myself for all of the wrong things I was doing.  As a young person I wanted out of my pain, but I could not relate well to others because the circumstances of my home life. The people who were harming me were also much older than the parents of those around me and so I did not identify with my peers.

My peers, as children and young people often are, were cruel. I was dressed funny, I didn't know their music, and I didn't share their interests. I had been taught an arrogant disposition and still struggle with that to this day, so I pretended not to care. Being on the fringe of my peers made me lonely, and I found people who would associate with me in my neighborhood. They were into light drug use and we were all young, and while I knew what they were doing was wrong I wanted friends, and they looked to be having a good time, eventually I joined them. I was thirteen.

By fifteen I had done at least ten different substances, I was having a great time and lying to everyone in my life about one thing or another, I became very skilled at it and could hide much of what i was doing or so I thought. A person who I considered a friend shot a law enforcement officer in the process of robbing a home for drug money. The truth came out and was caught by the people raising me. The results of that were very physically and emotionally painful and I went through my first bought of withdrawals.

Being physically clean and monitored, I made some new friends, may of them I still have, I am fortunate they were forgiving because I lost touch with all of them later for some time...I dropped out of school and went to apprentice under a chef. Life was normal for awhile but then the man who had raised me was caught abusing other children, I had not known of his actions and it came as a shock despite the indications that in retrospect seemed as though it should have been apparent.

I announced to my extended family and to the woman who raised me that that he was guilty and they quickly gave me an option. Let go of it and recognize he was still important or leave. I left, he went to prison. I was seventeen.

   I then dove headlong into drugs, blaming everyone and everything, my mental infirmities, my suffering, everything was caused by someone else and I was entitled to do what I wanted to make it feel better because I was special. I was always afraid to get caught but I kept on going. LSD, Cannabis, Opium, Cocaine, Meth amphetamines, and a host of other substances that were momentary things I tried.

   Several times kind loving people let me spend time with them on the couch trying to get clean, I withdrew, I did things for drugs, I withdrew. Repeat.

   I met a woman who drank, but who like me was trying to get sober. She was aware, but struggling, I was not aware, and struggling. One day after several days of doing several substances I accused her of something she had not done. She became Irate and stormed out, I figured she was another loss for me as I had had so many broken relationships.

   I sat alone and I realized something, the reason I have quoted Ron-The-Elder and what I am trying to convey to you. It is one thing to know that the behavior you are engaging in is hurting you and you should stop. It is another to fully realize that the suffering of continuing the behavior is greater than the suffering of stopping it.

    I looked and I knew for the first time in my life that where ever I went there I would be. I could meet another woman, find another place, imagine all of the ways in which I could travel through life, but the moments of my suffering from this would be upon me again and again unless I did something else that was effective.

   I knew whatever my path, if I was using drugs I was going to end up in some broken place in some suffering of my own creation. I knew there were things in my past that were the fault of others, but I was to blame for holding onto them. I knew that my mental illness and my cerebro-chemical makeup were beyond my control, but it was me who was using them as an excuse instead of seeking help and treatment for them.

    I did not know what to do. But I knew it had to be out there and I hope for the last time, and this time based on a moment of clarity that showed me that all things would remain  the same and were  suffering, which did not outweigh  the suffering I would face temporarily for finding another path I resolved that there must be a way out of this trap, and I did not posses it.

   I went to a few meetings, and I struggled, I went to the book store and I bought my first Buddhist book. “The heart of the Buddha's teaching” By Thich Naht Hahn. I read it and struggled alongside a woman who was suffering similarly to myself. Slowly and with great struggle it became more bearable.
   
   I realized I had run to drugs to cope with things that could be coped with in another way but that I had never developed any method for doing so and when I was happy I would use drugs to celebrate, and when I was sad I would use drugs to cope. I was using drugs when I was happy and sad...that pretty much covered all of the time.

   No amount of wisdom could have saved me before I really recognized I needed to change. Once I recognized the need no amount of work without help and without having the faith that the wisdom I had found from others would get me through my suffering would have been successful. Once I got help all of the effort for applying the information was on me. Every time I got sad I wanted drugs and I kindly said to myself but there is another way! I searched for the way, and I always found it. The Teachings of the Buddha are intellectually beautiful and recognizable as truth, applying them to your life while striving to change while in pain does not feel beautiful. It hurts, a lot, until is doesn't.

   I was clean for a couple of years and had never been in trouble. I needed a good job to start the life I wanted and I went into law enforcement. I raised a family and I bought a house, I have many things that are signs of success from the material world, but my experience is all that I have of value, Look real hard at yourself, reflect, and decide what you need to do. My trail with this is never going to be over, when I am hurt and doctor wants to give me pills I see my past in a bottle. I share with others I see hurting at work because they need help and do not know what to do.

   This is a dangerous path you are on, but there is good news! It can change if you make the decision to do so.  Find help, here, in meetings, with therapists and with family. Let go of what does not help. You can get clean and be free of this. I did, others have, they are not different from you at the core of their being and they will help if you go to them and recognize you must turn over your way for the way of the wisdom you can gather from many sources and let them help.

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #26 on: September 14, 2017, 04:31:13 pm »
   This is a dangerous path you are on, but there is good news! It can change if you make the decision to do so.  Find help, here, in meetings, with therapists and with family. Let go of what does not help. You can get clean and be free of this. I did, others have, they are not different from you at the core of their being and they will help if you go to them and recognize you must turn over your way for the way of the wisdom you can gather from many sources and let them help.

Then we have truly gained the wisdom of rebirth, repetition by amnesia, conditioning in a closed system of a sphere that will guarantee the determination of one story of success to be heard among the eternal army raised to do nothing but to define the labor that causes misery and violence that the law enforcement have sworn to serve and protect. This will be the one final act of enforcing an eternal law that will serve and protect us both by practical revelation. Envision the spiritual succession of the duty to serve and protect. I suppose I am the succession of law enforcement because if we sit in an eternal graveyard chasing skeletons and refuse to change the ways we protect the citizen of earth, the observable fact that the being knows he is hurting himself on purpose, by a flaw in design. Then the duty is truly obsolete and I will declare the protection of the people by a mere revelation that if laws are even fabricated to be broken then we feel existentially released from following them by darwinian succession.

Intellectual succession is the design of the seers of this undeniable absurd fact, to simply serve and protect ourselves.

Offline Anemephistus

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #27 on: September 14, 2017, 05:40:58 pm »
   This is a dangerous path you are on, but there is good news! It can change if you make the decision to do so.  Find help, here, in meetings, with therapists and with family. Let go of what does not help. You can get clean and be free of this. I did, others have, they are not different from you at the core of their being and they will help if you go to them and recognize you must turn over your way for the way of the wisdom you can gather from many sources and let them help.

Then we have truly gained the wisdom of rebirth, repetition by amnesia, conditioning in a closed system of a sphere that will guarantee the determination of one story of success to be heard among the eternal army raised to do nothing but to define the labor that causes misery and violence that the law enforcement have sworn to serve and protect. This will be the one final act of enforcing an eternal law that will serve and protect us both by practical revelation. Envision the spiritual succession of the duty to serve and protect. I suppose I am the succession of law enforcement because if we sit in an eternal graveyard chasing skeletons and refuse to change the ways we protect the citizen of earth, the observable fact that the being knows he is hurting himself on purpose, by a flaw in design. Then the duty is truly obsolete and I will declare the protection of the people by a mere revelation that if laws are even fabricated to be broken then we feel existentially released from following them by darwinian succession.

Intellectual succession is the design of the seers of this undeniable absurd fact, to simply serve and protect ourselves.

Could you clarify please?

Offline Solodris

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2017, 06:07:57 pm »
   This is a dangerous path you are on, but there is good news! It can change if you make the decision to do so.  Find help, here, in meetings, with therapists and with family. Let go of what does not help. You can get clean and be free of this. I did, others have, they are not different from you at the core of their being and they will help if you go to them and recognize you must turn over your way for the way of the wisdom you can gather from many sources and let them help.

Then we have truly gained the wisdom of rebirth, repetition by amnesia, conditioning in a closed system of a sphere that will guarantee the determination of one story of success to be heard among the eternal army raised to do nothing but to define the labor that causes misery and violence that the law enforcement have sworn to serve and protect. This will be the one final act of enforcing an eternal law that will serve and protect us both by practical revelation. Envision the spiritual succession of the duty to serve and protect. I suppose I am the succession of law enforcement because if we sit in an eternal graveyard chasing skeletons and refuse to change the ways we protect the citizen of earth, the observable fact that the being knows he is hurting himself on purpose, by a flaw in design. Then the duty is truly obsolete and I will declare the protection of the people by a mere revelation that if laws are even fabricated to be broken then we feel existentially released from following them by darwinian succession.

Intellectual succession is the design of the seers of this undeniable absurd fact, to simply serve and protect ourselves.

Could you clarify please?

Understanding the underlying flaw in a behavior could lead a person to comprehend the relation between healthy relationships and healthy behavior. A change in perspective from the illusion of duty to the perseverance of compassion in daily character development.

Edit: Forgive the momentary confusion of mind.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2017, 12:48:20 pm by Solodris »

Offline Anemephistus

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Re: Moving from addiction to connection
« Reply #29 on: September 18, 2017, 07:18:05 pm »
   This is a dangerous path you are on, but there is good news! It can change if you make the decision to do so.  Find help, here, in meetings, with therapists and with family. Let go of what does not help. You can get clean and be free of this. I did, others have, they are not different from you at the core of their being and they will help if you go to them and recognize you must turn over your way for the way of the wisdom you can gather from many sources and let them help.

Then we have truly gained the wisdom of rebirth, repetition by amnesia, conditioning in a closed system of a sphere that will guarantee the determination of one story of success to be heard among the eternal army raised to do nothing but to define the labor that causes misery and violence that the law enforcement have sworn to serve and protect. This will be the one final act of enforcing an eternal law that will serve and protect us both by practical revelation. Envision the spiritual succession of the duty to serve and protect. I suppose I am the succession of law enforcement because if we sit in an eternal graveyard chasing skeletons and refuse to change the ways we protect the citizen of earth, the observable fact that the being knows he is hurting himself on purpose, by a flaw in design. Then the duty is truly obsolete and I will declare the protection of the people by a mere revelation that if laws are even fabricated to be broken then we feel existentially released from following them by darwinian succession.

Intellectual succession is the design of the seers of this undeniable absurd fact, to simply serve and protect ourselves.

Could you clarify please?

Understanding the underlying flaw in a behavior could lead a person to comprehend the relation between healthy relationships and healthy behavior. A change in perspective from the illusion of duty to the perseverance of compassion in daily character development.

Edit: Forgive the momentary confusion of mind.

There is nothing to forgive, I contemplated the spasm and saw the disruption of thinking that is the confusion you refer to. I decided to wait.

 I once tried the chemical path to enlightenment. I used my minds eye like a telescope into vivid and exciting realms of thought not naturally present in my perception. The altered frames of reference brought revelry and elation that haunt me with desire when I think of them in an untempered and undisciplined state. I was trying to find spiritual power, not anything like we contemplate here. I was also indulgent in many of my own flaws which was made more comfortable by my addiction.

For my addiction, and I can say nothing of you expect that our relative existence shares certain inherency as a function of species, I did not know at the time that I had failed to grasp the danger I was in. For me it was like this:

A car, being made of all relative parts being material and thus subject to all of the things that come with inner-being in a scientifically observable sense could be contemplated for lifetime and was. Each generation making improvements and driven by desire they vulcanized rubber, hardened steel and the car has been the subject of untold amounts of human ingenuity and desire. Lifetimes of man-hours have been spent in the pursuit of what might be considered it's perfection.

It  was good to contemplate all of this and keep it in my perception, it was bad to do it when it was coming at me at 90 miles an hour.

I was in pursuit of something that did not lead to truth, I choose to use an example of something that is more true.  I feel compassion for your suffering with this, I suggest that you use your energy wisely and I have relayed the experience that has thus far worked for me earlier in the thread. 

I get the closed circle of dogmatic practice in the more absolute sense:

I will borrow an example in order to illustrate what I mean, in order to determine if it is what you refer to.

With a broken arm, we can go to a party and have fun, we can run around and while our arm is an inconvenience we wait for it to heal and continue to function more or less normally. Take a broken heart however, there will be no party, we cannot function well, our mind inhabits the past or worries about the future, we are not at peace and simple things become difficult.

So we go back to the car example because we established its material nature. There is an empire of thought constructed though time surrounding it's existence, more importantly, the car is like the arm, physical and simple and something that while we may take advantage of regularly, when it is broken life goes on. But the Momentous thought effort that went into its creation however, the mental realm of the beings who brought it into being that it represents, it would not exist without it and it is far more important than the car.

Understanding the difference between these things is important in my opinion. Seeing them is helpful, but being fixed on them is using them as a distraction when the more subjective experience we are having is full of suffering. Practical application in gaining the tools we need in order to lead to the alleviation of our suffering places us in a position to help others. Helping others improves the thought realms that lead to creation and destruction, all within the closed circle, and all still important in my opinion.

I wish you the very best, and will happily continue to discuss this if you so desire. I see no reason to stop, please, feel free to write plainly, there is nothing to fear in being understood and no shame in expressing the truth weather relative or absolute.  :twocents:

 



 


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