Author Topic: Anger  (Read 211 times)

Offline duskychat

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Anger
« on: October 17, 2017, 08:43:47 am »
I've always had a lot of trouble with anger and letting things go. Especially lately, people seem to be getting on my nerves and in my head. It can get so bad that it is all I think about. For example, just today I asked someone to bring me an item I really need back, and we set up a time today to met so they could return it back. Sure enough, I was there at the right time and they hadn't answered their phone for over an hour. I now have to reschedule an appointment since I don't have that item with me.
Is there a purpose for my anger? How can I forgive these people without going crazy?  :smack:

Offline jimsouth

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2017, 01:11:37 pm »
I believe there are legitimate reasons for anger; but I also believe, you must keep it in perspective; and certainly never allow it to consume you. The clock is only wound once; and every second you use up, can never be replaced. Most of us never take the time to consider that fact. I have seen situations that actually made me feel rage; but I had the presence of mind to keep my feelings in check; because, I do believe in KARMA; and I do believe it all comes back to you. Good or bad, it all comes back with a vengeance.  When it comes to evil doers, there is, sort of, an 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not get away with it.

Offline Pixie

  • Member
  • Posts: 179
    • View Profile
    • Buddhism Without Boundaries
Re: Anger
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2017, 01:21:54 pm »
Hello duskychat,

I'm sorry that you have difficulties with anger, I wonder if maybe you need to relax more. Are you getting some regular exercise and enough sleep at night?

This article "Liberating Emotions" by Ajahn Sumedho might be of some help to you:

https://buddhismnow.com/2011/02/12/liberating-emotions-by-ajahn-sumedho/

With kind wishes,

Pixie   _/|\_

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May they all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May they never be deprived of true happiness devoid of any suffering.
May they abide in great impartiality, free from attachment to loved ones and aversion to others.

Offline IdleChater

  • Member
  • Posts: 566
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2017, 03:39:59 pm »
I've always had a lot of trouble with anger and letting things go. Especially lately, people seem to be getting on my nerves and in my head. It can get so bad that it is all I think about. For example, just today I asked someone to bring me an item I really need back, and we set up a time today to met so they could return it back. Sure enough, I was there at the right time and they hadn't answered their phone for over an hour. I now have to reschedule an appointment since I don't have that item with me.
Is there a purpose for my anger? How can I forgive these people without going crazy?  :smack:

This sounds pathological.  I think you should get some counseling.  If a Buddhist approach to the problem is how you want to go, find a counselor who uses meditation techniques in therapy.

Offline ground

  • Member
  • Posts: 2089
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2017, 11:00:15 pm »
... people seem to be getting on my nerves and in my head. It can get so bad that it is all I think about....
Avoid people.  :fu:

Offline VincentRJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 181
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2017, 05:19:27 am »
Try the life of a hermit for a few years.  :wink1:

Offline ground

  • Member
  • Posts: 2089
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #6 on: October 18, 2017, 10:12:59 am »
Try the life of a hermit for a few years.  :wink1:
Solitary retreat is standard in the beginning in buddhist traditions like theravada forest or dzogchen.  :fu:
« Last Edit: October 18, 2017, 10:18:49 am by ground »

Offline duskychat

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #7 on: October 18, 2017, 10:41:16 am »
This sounds pathological.  I think you should get some counseling.  If a Buddhist approach to the problem is how you want to go, find a counselor who uses meditation techniques in therapy.

I am in counseling, although I believe that would would be nice to find a counselor who uses meditation techniques. I am in the process of looking for a new therapist, and I'm happy that you suggested to find one with more a Buddhist approach. I didn't think about that before!
« Last Edit: October 18, 2017, 10:45:35 am by duskychat »

Offline duskychat

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #8 on: October 18, 2017, 10:45:01 am »
Solitary retreat is standard in the beginning in buddhist traditions like theravada forest or dzogchen.  :fu:

I have a place here where they do retreats, it's a beautiful place and isn't too far separated from the city. I used to volunteer there, I could see myself taking a retreat there next summer

Offline duskychat

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #9 on: October 18, 2017, 10:48:43 am »
Hello duskychat,

I'm sorry that you have difficulties with anger, I wonder if maybe you need to relax more. Are you getting some regular exercise and enough sleep at night?

This article "Liberating Emotions" by Ajahn Sumedho might be of some help to you:

https://buddhismnow.com/2011/02/12/liberating-emotions-by-ajahn-sumedho/

With kind wishes,

Pixie   _/|\_

I am lacking in exercise and I would say that I eat okay. I do get regular sleep at night though.
I will defiantly read this article soon enough  :)

Offline VincentRJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 181
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #10 on: October 18, 2017, 06:40:01 pm »
I will defiantly read this article soon enough  :)

But no too defiantly I hope.  :wink1:

Offline Ron-the-Elder

  • Member
  • Posts: 4486
  • May all beings live rightly and harmoniously.
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2017, 04:00:42 am »
There is a Buddhist saying ( paraphrasing) : 

"The mind leads the heart,
As the oxen lead the cart."

One of the psycho-physical benefits of meditation is learning to control the mind, which in turn facilitates control of our intentional actions.

Suggest study and practice of this:

The Elimination of Anger
With two stories retold from the Buddhist texts
by
Ven. K. Piyatissa Thera

© 1994

Quote
The gist of this story dates back to the discourses of the Buddha. But even now, over 2500 years later, our world looks as if large hordes of Anger-eating Demons were haunting it and were kept well nourished by millions slaving for them all over the earth. Fires of hate and wide-traveling waves of violence threaten to engulf mankind. Also the grass roots of society are poisoned by conflict and discord, manifesting in angry thoughts and words and in violent deeds. Is it not time to end this self-destructive slavery of man to his impulses of hate and aggression which only serve the demoniac forces? Our story tells how these demons of hate can be exorcised by the power of gentleness and love. If this power of love can be tested and proven, at grass-root level, in the widely spread net of personal relationships, society at large, the world at large, will not remain unaffected by it.



https://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/authors/piyatissa/bl068.html

If only I had been aware and able to practice this teaching in my youth and middle age, perhaps I could have avoided a few cardio-vascular issues resulting in having to go under the scalpel, ribs opened like the space shuttle, with my heart sitting on my chest and arteries rerouted to restore blood flow.

From my personal experience, clinging to anger has "real" physiological effects as well as mental ones. :-P

« Last Edit: October 19, 2017, 04:09:54 am by Ron-the-Elder »
What Makes an Elder? :
A head of gray hairs doesn't mean one's an elder. Advanced in years, one's called an old fool.
But one in whom there is truth, restraint, rectitude, gentleness,self-control, he's called an elder, his impurities disgorged, enlightened.
-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Offline Spiny Norman

  • Member
  • Posts: 5097
  • Cool baby yeah!
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #12 on: October 19, 2017, 06:55:10 am »
I've always had a lot of trouble with anger and letting things go. Especially lately, people seem to be getting on my nerves and in my head. It can get so bad that it is all I think about. For example, just today I asked someone to bring me an item I really need back, and we set up a time today to met so they could return it back. Sure enough, I was there at the right time and they hadn't answered their phone for over an hour. I now have to reschedule an appointment since I don't have that item with me.
Is there a purpose for my anger? How can I forgive these people without going crazy?  :smack:

You sound quite stressed - can you identify any specific causes? Some counselling might help to get things clearer.  Buddhist practices like samatha meditation and metta bhavana should also be helpful.

Offline ShaggydogF71

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
    • View Profile
Re: Anger
« Reply #13 on: October 25, 2017, 12:58:58 pm »


Is there a purpose for my anger? How can I forgive these people without going crazy?  :smack:

Maybe you could try not worrying about forgiving these people so much, but rather seeing your attachments and aversions to things instead. Each time someone borrows something and then doesn't meet you to give it back or does something that triggers thoughts of anger or frustration, then *bam*, that's a free lesson in the dharma right there on a plate for you. These people are your greatest teachers right there, because you can use these situations as an opportunity for insight right there. Can you look and see how your mind starts spinning out, the stories that you start telling yourself, and the notions and concepts that you start to cling to? Can you see the "small self" reaching and grasping? Can you use your stream of thoughts and your anger as a support for your meditative practices?

I remember reading a story recently called Atisha's Cook in the book The Misleading Mins by Karuna Cayton. Centuries ago there was a very respected Indian Buddhist master called Lama Atisha and he was called upon to make the very long (and at that time very difficult and sometimes dangerous) journey from India to Tibet, which involved a few months of trekking through jungles, over mountains, and through bandit lands. Amongst the travelling party was Atisha's personal cook, who was someone that many found difficult to be around as he was very rude, unfriendly to everyone (including Atisha) and generally rubbed people up the wrong way, not the kind of guy you'd want to be around for months on a  journey like that. No one could understand why Lama Ariana would have picked such a difficult guy to come along, as if the trip wasn't hard enough already.

But Lama Atisha never once became angry or embarrassed at the cook's behavior, and only showed him affection. When the others in the group were tearing their hair out with him over his behaviour they asked Lama Atisha why he wanted to the cook to go with them and hadn't just fired him and sent him back you India he replied "He is not just my cook but my teacher of patience".

 


SimplePortal 2.3.3 © 2008-2010, SimplePortal