Author Topic: Hi LGBT people  (Read 9196 times)

Offline Laughs-Love-Peace-Life

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #15 on: February 19, 2010, 03:06:38 am »
I've always wondered in same-gender marriage, who takes who's name?

Offline t

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2010, 08:26:01 am »
Quote
Are there any more of you on here or am I the only gay in the village?

Not anymore...

MaitrÄ«  :namaste:

Offline katersy

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2010, 04:29:36 am »
Cheers queers!

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."

"She believed in nothing; Only her skepticism kept her from being an atheist."

Offline heybai

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #18 on: February 20, 2010, 07:49:39 am »
I've always wondered in same-gender marriage, who takes who's name?

Not much to wonder about, I think.  In my other-gender marriage, my wife and I have kept our birth names.  It hasn't been an issue after after twenty-three years, but if we live to regret it, I will post an update!  :teehee:

Yeshe

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2010, 08:22:04 am »
I've always wondered in same-gender marriage, who takes who's name?

My wife took mine.  She feels a bit stupid walking round with a name like David, but hey! LOL :)

Seriously, these days it doesn't matter here in the UK. You can legally change your name whether you marry or not, civil partnership or not, or even just for the fun of it, just by changing what you call yourself.

If you have to, because some twit wants to see something 'legal' on paper (unnecessary beaurocracy) before changing your passport or driver's licence, you can change it by Deed Poll with a solicitor's signature on it for around £20.

One thing I've not come across is a mariage or civil partnership where both people take EXACTLY the same name. Now wouldn't that be fun! :)

Offline t

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2010, 08:23:25 am »
Quote
I've always wondered in same-gender marriage, who takes who's name?
Perhaps its time to take both? When that happens, then only equal partnership is made evident both in spirit and in letter...
If I ever get married, ever, that would be what I would do...my surname and his as well...

After all, when the question of lineage comes in, its time people see it in terms of the 'human lineage' rather than the alpha male/female system where one party's lineage is made out as a competition vs the other...of course, I am forgetting that not all marriages were based on equal partnership to begin with...sometimes beyond what is controllable...

When I think of how in the past (and even in some families in the present) in the context of Chinese culture, especially where Confucianism is prevalent, often female names are struck out from the family lineage/ancestry in favour of the males, as if the daughters are not the family's blood line and the idea that they are 'married out of the family' further does injustice and translated into cases of female infanticide just because the male carries the 'family jewels' and controls the 'family throne' and the daughter is a 'liability'? Such are the cultural 'norms' that have been recognised as 'long standing tradition'. And yet, the irony of the old Chinese proverb: 'When a father dies, the household goes hungry, when the mother dies, the household loses happiness'.  

Fortunately, as a Buddhist and thanks to the Kalama Sutta, I am empowered to re-visit some of these human fallacies paraded by some as irrevocable 'tradition', 'way of life', 'this is how its been'...    

After all, we don't have the teaching of an-atman/anatta for nothing huh? 'Who' is in 'control' when the 'self' is inherently empty?

 :twocents:

Maitrī :namaste:

Offline Monkey Mind

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #21 on: February 20, 2010, 09:37:23 am »
My partner and I chose a third, neutral last name and we BOTH changed our names. That was in 1994. We followed the legal advise of the time, and changed our names via Common Law of Oregon. So my new, married name is on my drivers license, it is on my Social Security card, it is on my pay check and it is on my banking account. I have unskillfully gotten speeding tickets in this name.

Fast forward to 2009. Because of increased "homeland security", one now needs a passport to cross over the Canadian/ US border. I travel to Canada a lot. No problem, my partner and I would simply apply for a passport. Even though my new, married name is good enough to pay taxes with, the Federal government refused to recognize the name change as valid for applying for passports. What followed was a long, drawn out, hair pulling experience in bureaucracy. Several times along the process, I was keenly aware that a MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE would have solved all of my bureaucratic troubles, but I didn't have one of those because GAY MARRIAGE is not legal. Oy Vey.

Offline Laughs-Love-Peace-Life

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #22 on: February 20, 2010, 09:48:26 am »
I suppose keeping your name or both changing it is a good idea  ;D But I like my name... People could do a mixture like Smith and Willson to Smithson or something...


Offline pickledpitbull

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #23 on: February 20, 2010, 01:10:23 pm »
As MM found out, the romantic notion of changing one's name may be a thing of the past.

Here's my story (by the way, I'm a woman):  I was married in '83 and took my husband's name.  This was partly to attempt to remove myself from my father (due to issues we will save for another thread) and partly because hubby's name was easier to spell.  In '87 we separated and later divorced.  In '94 I found the man of my dreams (I call him that, too!) and the name-change issue returned.  

However, I have a daughter from my first marriage who has her father's last name.  So, if I change my name, she's odd man out.  Having been the odd one from my parent's divorce, I didn't feel comfortable doing this to her.  So I hypenated.  

What a pain in the ass.  No one knows which name to call me.  My deed is wrong, I'm always mis-filed, the names get reversed (b-s vs. s-b), etc.  The hyphenated version is quite cumbersome, as well.  On the plus side, it did help, with regard to my daughter, to have retained that part of it.

IF YOU CAHNGE YOUR NAME be prepared to carry your personal history with you everywhere you go to prove that you are the person on your birth certificate.  You will need to carry a copy of your marriage license as well as any other paper trail: divorce papers, court orders, etc.  I can't imagine this being less cumbersome for the male-male couples, as it is less common.  Also, if you are a professional, you now need to transfer your credentials and your reputation to the "new" name.

My advice, based on experience, is to keep the name you're born with.  People, both gay and straight, have been living as couples for years without being married and the two name thing works just fine.  Everyone knows who belongs to whom.  No need to confuse the issue now that you're married!

« Last Edit: February 20, 2010, 01:12:39 pm by pickledpitbull »
You've been taught that there is something wrong with you and that you are imperfect, but there isn't and you're not.


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Offline Laughs-Love-Peace-Life

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2010, 01:31:52 pm »
I think it's A-OK to keep your name, but what would you call your kids?

Offline pickledpitbull

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #25 on: February 20, 2010, 01:48:52 pm »
I think the issue for the kids is defined by the law, but I'm not sure.  My daughter's kids have their dad's name and he had to sign some paperwork for that.  I think the default is the mother's.

In any case, their your kids - name 'em what you want!  You pick the first name, right?  How hard can the last one be!
You've been taught that there is something wrong with you and that you are imperfect, but there isn't and you're not.


~ Cheri Huber

Offline Laughs-Love-Peace-Life

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #26 on: February 20, 2010, 01:52:11 pm »
LOL, yeah, s'pose.

Yeshe

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #27 on: February 20, 2010, 02:04:30 pm »
Just as an aside, but something I found interesting:

People whose parents had them Christened, but who did not grow up to be Christian, are now asking Churches to 'un-Christen' them in the UK.

It is meaningful for the person concerned, gets published in a newspaper etc., but has no legal status, nor apparently is it possible for the Church to officially recognise it and for God to let you go - the Church can't undo your salvation, I guess.

Offline humanitas

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #28 on: February 20, 2010, 06:11:41 pm »
I married in San Francisco 4 years ago, changed my name.  Have a passport in my married name, it replaces need for most birth certificates, etc.  Anyway, still have my previous passport+SS card with maiden name and subsequent docs with married name.  You can clearly tell it's me, have not had a problem to date.  *knock on wood*  But were I to ever change my name again, I don't imagine it would be too big of a deal either way.  Of course, I don't plan on changing my name ever again, so I say this casually without it really being a possibility in my future.  The hardest name changes are people who are transgender.  Going from a man to a woman, or woman to a man gets really hairy to prove.  Then you ARE carrying your whole medical records, birth records, etc.  I had a friend who had a really hard time making the transition when asked for documentation in the weird in between, like the birth certificate and current name don't match gender so most people don't believe it's real.  Now THAT would definitely be a pain in da butt.
 :anjali:
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Offline Laughs-Love-Peace-Life

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Re: Hi LGBT people
« Reply #29 on: February 21, 2010, 02:12:03 am »
That would be a pain in the but! *sigh*
I was going to ask my local church to un-christen LOL! I think I'll ask them when I'm older as a joke  :teehee: I don't think it matters really though, but I don't like them christining a baby. Wait 'till the child is old enough to choose. If/when I have kids I'll not push them into any belief system. I'd try to bring them up unprejudiced but not push my religious/spiritual beliefs on them.

 


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