Sexual Desire

[nirvanaseeker30]

We are all human and sometimes we see a man or woman who we think is attractive and our thoughts eventually turn to desire and sex. What as Buddhist's can we do to curb these thoughts? I am aware that sexual desire and the act itself is a impermenent thing and not lasting but sometimes it's hard not to look at a person who we think is hot and want them. What to do?

[Dharmakara]

http://uk.reuters.com/article/2006/11/22/oukoe-uk-life-thailand-monk-idUKBKK28492620061122


A man plagued with incessant lust wished to castrate himself. The Buddha told him,
“Rather than castrate yourself, you should curb your mind. The mind is like a commander;
when the commander halts, so will his subordinates. If you cannot cut off lascivious thoughts,
what is the use of castrating yourself?” The Buddha recited the following verse:

Desire arises from thinking,
Thinking arises from conception and discernment.
When both aspects of the mind are still,
There is neither form nor action.

[Kanen]

DK seeing that literally made me spit my drink onto my laptop. Thanks for the laughs.

Ahhh this question. I still have no idea what the answer is.

[t]

Some pointers here

[Tamas]

I think to suppress the desire is not the solution; it can be a long process but if we meditate persistently the desire will go itself. If you force yourself can be harmful...

[Dhyana]

I've lived 31 years and have never had this problem. Mainly, because I dont see other people's bodies as objects of desire. When I encounter a person, I have no opinion of their physical appearance, it litterally means nothing to me. What I desire (or dont desire), is the person, not their body. I have never been attracted to someone that I dont have feelings for. And since I dont have only developed feelings for a handful of people, I've only been attracted to a few people. I have yet to meet another person in my 31 years who shares the same trait.

One way to look at it: Have you ever met someone that you were attracted to, and then when you got to know them, realized they were a jerk? Or had the personality of a 12 year old? A lot of people who have experienced this will tell you they are no longer attracted to the person once they realize they dislike things about the person. Would you be attracted to someone who you later found out did time in jail for child molestation? Would you be attracted to someone who you later found out had been bad mouthing you behind your back to all your friends?

This is the reason behind why I dont find people physically attratcive until I get to know them, and can be sure they're not crazy, not a jerk, not a pedophile, etc... I've been that way as far back as I can remember. I never even noticed my own husband when I met him. I didnt give him a second look. Years later I got to know him, and now to me he's the sexiest man I've ever met. But if you asked me 6 years ago, I would have no opinion on his appearance.

In other words, it may help if you tweak the way you look at people.

[Dharmakara]

When it comes to this particular thread and others like it, there's a topic which often goes unmentioned, namely the well-documented patterns of behavior that come with addictive and codependent relationships, as well as how they tend to play out in recovery:

http://www.healthymind.com/s-relationships.html

[NepalianBuddhist]

I had a sex drive in my early 20's but since then relaxed and tapered off the sex drive and male libido. {The desires relinquished and dissipated} ...

[NepalianBuddhist]

We are all human and sometimes we see a man or woman who we think is attractive and our thoughts eventually turn to desire and sex. What as Buddhist's can we do to curb these thoughts? I am aware that sexual desire and the act itself is a impermenent thing and not lasting but sometimes it's hard not to look at a person who we think is hot and want them. What to do?

Analysis of Thought     {Why do I think that?}
Examination of Feelings   {Why do I feel this way?}
Exercising Control of Self