Author Topic: Struggling With A Problem  (Read 1848 times)

Offline nirvanaseeker30

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Struggling With A Problem
« on: February 03, 2014, 07:25:30 am »
My friends, I need you're advice on something. Before discovering Buddhism I was addicted to gay porn. It was all I thought about and it began to rule my life. I know one saying in Buddhism is not to fight the impluses and desires that arise. Don't turn you're mind into a battlefeild. I feel that if I could just get past this I can continue with my pratices. I have meditated on this and have asked myself these questions. Why do I feel the need to visit these sites? What is it that attracts me to nude gay men? I have come to realize that I do these things because I am lonely and looking for love. I also realize that when I look at pictures or videos, it's not the people in them I'm seeing but my own lust and desire and that is impermanent and not lasting. My question is this, whenever feelings like this arise in me, whenever I feel the urge to look at a nude picture of a man or watch a video, what can I do or what can I tell myself to help make these feelings go away? Any advice you can give me will be greatly appreciated.  I live in a small town in Arkansas and their really aren't any Sanghas or groups here so this site has helped me alot!! My apologies if this message seems a bit graphic but it's what I need advice on. I hope it doesn't offend anyone :)


Charles   :namaste:

Offline Monkey Mind

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Re: Struggling With A Problem
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2014, 09:22:19 am »

Offline ShanJieshi

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Re: Struggling With A Problem
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2014, 09:40:38 am »
i didnt know about porn addiction.Certain kind of webpages are so so attractive! same as games webpages or shopping.But sex on internet takes the first place.
my friend, i hope youll find the best way out to this problem.with confidence and mindful practice
山结实 禅師

Offline ZenFred

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Re: Struggling With A Problem
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2014, 06:57:10 pm »

 The monk radio video posted by monkey-mind is quite good, I listened to about half of it. So hopefully that helps.

 Being Zen, not Theravadan, and being a layperson with a family and not abstaining from sex I have a different, but similar perspective.

 It is clear that your situation deeply troubles you and is causing you suffering. I feel for you and am praying that you may be free from your suffering. i think this a good place to start and to look at your suffering and worried self with compassion and not with judgement. We live in a society that is so quick to judge one-another and yet hide out own flaws in deep, dark places of our hearts where they eat away at us. Watching porn, of any kind, in and of itself is neither good nor bad and is not a moral issue. Where is a moral issue is if anyone was harmed in its production, but it was made by full consenting and fairly compensated adults, then how is that immoral? Your suffering arises from this cycle of judgement and thought. You watch porn and you think that you shouldn't. Then you think why is that I can't stop, what is wrong with me.. Then that thought upsets it you and it is a downward spiral. Just let it all stop. Don't judge and just let things be as they are. You watch gay porn. You feel a need to watch gay porn. Okay. No judgement, no criticism.

Once you can get to the point that you aren't torturing yourself with self-judgment then you can look at the problem again, objectively. Perhaps you decide porn is not something you want to watch because it is not in line with being compassionate to all beings. Perhaps you decide that in and of itself it is not harming anyone. You can reach a state, through meditation and through letting go of judgment that you can weigh these two options without having desire or shame compel you one way or the other.

Finally, if you decide that porn is not harmful, then you can work on when you watch porn just watch porn!! Don't worry about it or judge yourself just enjoy it for what it is. But when you are driving, or at work, or at school or talking to friends do those things and don't be thinking about porn. If those thoughts do arise just redirect your mind gently back to the moment.

Now this is just my opinion and meager understanding, I am a not Zen teacher. If my advice helps then fantastic and I am glad, but if it doesn't and you feel you need more seek out a teacher who can really help you see that you are not your desires and there is a path of liberation from them.

"May you be free from suffering, may you feel safe and still." I will be praying for you and keeping you in metta meditations.

Gassho, Fred  :namaste:


« Last Edit: February 03, 2014, 08:10:13 pm by ZenFred »


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