Author Topic: my core motivation(revolving attachment) seems to be eating.  (Read 76 times)

Offline lodonyo

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Meditator and spiritualist since 12, I was on this high "spiritual path" in 2012.  I moved out of the city, motivated by living sustainably and being a 'creator' of some constructive object for the worlds benefiT.  I lived in the mtns on pot farms, and eventually moved to Hawaii to work my ass off on real farms and eventually took my first goenka vipassana course.  After flowing through various nanas and vipassanukleses, I left that retreat and had some time of peace before generating a massive amount of sankharas and leaving to main Land, this was june 2016, found by vajrayana school and here I am.

I write to you with warnings and pleas.  During that time of peace I abandoned my (formal)vipassana practice and have been suffering ever since.  I'm just now generating the willpower and faith to star it up for myself.

The culmination of all these years of practice and thus: I'm inundated by worldly concerns, stuck with the fantasy of external renunciation, yet hypocritically decided to marry someone so she could stay in the cou try.  just now learning to overcome spiritual bypassing-- all the while feeling immensely dispassionate nearing apathetic (as opposed to before vipassana with far more zeal), and most of all when I wake up, go to sleep, pray, speak to people, and post-meditation the current anchor for my life?  Food...that's right, the cause for an animal/preta rebirth. 

Sure if I have superficial motivations, but just like that excitement about a paychecks and making your mother happy or getting home to play that video game, food is the deepest craving.

I read and contemplate to increase my zeal everyday.  Learning about the 4 mental powers and right use of mind helps(satara iddhipada).  Today as I fast and feel the immense mental anguish of not eating or being motivated by anything else, it dawns on me that the antidote to this is giving.

So I make my resolve.  Freedom for all sentient beings, determined with the Word.  I intensify my will through sankhara, various determinants -- including the practice of giving; and keeping my awareness on all facets of nirvana and any cooling down of my deep cravings from the past I focus on all sentient beings experiencing freedom of this incessant craving and motivation from taste-attachment as I'd there was a psychic link between me ans every other mankin in the galaxy. 


Reading:
Stages of the path to Enlightenment - Lama Sopa
Puredhamma.net
Lawsofthenature.com
School:
Maitripa College, Portland OR




Offline The Artis Magistra

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Re: my core motivation(revolving attachment) seems to be eating.
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2017, 09:39:56 pm »
Awesome post. Thank you. Can you type more of your experiences and warnings and things you have learned thoroughly and entirely as a form of giving as well please? We all may benefit, most especially you.

 


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