Author Topic: Regretting gay experience  (Read 1554 times)

Offline kthulukthulu

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Regretting gay experience
« on: May 19, 2016, 08:30:51 am »
I gave a blowjob to a man in his car, i wish i didn't. I'm otherwise heterosexual, that was just an experiment. I feel ashamed but that's not the problem, the problem is that i don't want anyone to see/know this. I think that the guy had no reason to make a video, but you know, with the technology today it's possible - mini-cameras(in pen for example) are cheap and effective. That was 3 and half years ago and it was just a week ago when i started thinking about that and i feel like my life has ended, i can't stop regretting of what i did and i can't stop thinking about the (eventual) videoclip. Now i have a small business and know a lot of people, also have a serious girlfriend, i don't want anyone to see this! I wasn't mindful at the moment i did it. If i was, i would think about the possible consequences of my actions, but i wasn't mindful!!! There are lot of things on the Internet about regret but all of them are about trivial things that are thing of the past, like insulting someone and things like that, my regret is far bigger than that. I can't stop thinking about how would i do things differently if i was actually thinking about the consequences before i did that...Not only about possible videoclip, but also about sexually transmitted diseases. I'm not sure even what my question is exactly...I just want someone to give me some guidance. English is not my native language, so i hope i'm clear enough.

Offline zafrogzen

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Re: Regretting gay experience
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2016, 12:02:50 pm »
This is the kind of question that teachers sometimes encounter, and which most of them refuse to get involved in. Or, if they do, they'll say something like -- "Just make friends with it."
My first formal meditation training was with Shunryu Suzuki in the 60's and later with Kobun, Robert Aitken and many other teachers (mainly zen). However, I've spent the most time practicing on my own, which is all I do now. I'm living in a rather isolated area so I miss connecting with other practitioners. Despite my interest in zen I've made an effort to remain secular. You can visit my website at http://www.frogzen.com

Offline Ron-the-Elder

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Re: Regretting gay experience
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2016, 05:59:07 pm »
Buddhist precepts cite sexual misconduct to be avoided:

1. Adultery
2. Sex with persons still under the care of their parents or adult guardians (children for example, or those who cannot care for themselves due to illness of body or mind and therefore cannot either morally, or legally consent)
3.  Rape or incest.
4.  Sexual congress with non-humans.
5.  Sexual congress with others if you have a communicable disease such a STDs, where the act of doing so would cause harm to others.
6.  Any sort of sexual congress or activity if you have committed to avoid doing so as the result of your precepts.

Otherwise, what you have reported in your post seems to matter only to yourself, as it is causing you mental discomfort / dissonance.

Shame is more in line with Abrahemic religions.  Purely out of curiosity, what was your previous religion before investigating Buddhism?
What Makes an Elder? :
A head of gray hairs doesn't mean one's an elder. Advanced in years, one's called an old fool.
But one in whom there is truth, restraint, rectitude, gentleness,self-control, he's called an elder, his impurities disgorged, enlightened.
-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Offline kthulukthulu

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Re: Regretting gay experience
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2016, 12:34:50 pm »
I wasn't religiuos before that. Now i know that i have to avoid certain things because i have more wisdom/knowledge but i cannot stop regreting this and that someone may see this and know about this in the fututre...

 


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