Author Topic: The Puzzle  (Read 1592 times)

Offline ConsciousConundrum

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The Puzzle
« on: January 08, 2016, 07:36:17 am »
I am currently very introverted dealing with a mental puzzle I have. I live in the south and am rather limited in resources and people with the same perspective as mine to talk to.  My main reason for joining these forums was a desire to "speak" to others of a like mind. A little background first.

I am the happiest I have ever been. I found my one great love in this world, we have been married four years in March. I have a disabled son from my first marriage and now a new one year old who is the personification of perfection. I am an at home dad. It was the best choice for our family and I would have it no other way. I have very few worries in this world, beyond those I create by over thinking nearly everything. Zazen clears my mind, but as with any returns. I also suffer from some fairly severe depression, PTSD and anger issues. Which I hold at bay with meditation and presence of mind as best I can. I consider pharmaceuticals to be poison, I have tried them in the past but they always make things worse.
After 2+ decades of solo practice I have gotten pretty good at understanding how beneficial Buddhism is to my life. But it also causes some issues for me.

I believe it has made me quite mad and often times leaves me at an impasse.

On one hand I know this life is only one step. I am certain I will return to the game again to learn more. Part of me is excited to do it. I am having so much fun this time and even though I won't recall that on my next trip I find it thrilling. In that, I often wonder if there is a reason to prolong the inevitable. I know how that sounds, but that is not my intent. I cherish all life, my own included in that. More to the point I feel a need to just let go and stop pursuing a goal. Even though my only goal in meditation is clarity of mind and peace. It is never about enlightenment and for me shouldn't be. I am fine taking small steps and learning along the way.

On the other hand, this life is so important to me. Part of understanding that this is all  basically an illusion and I am actually much more than this fragile body, seems to undermine that. I almost have a fragrant disregard at times because I know this is nearly a step. Not so much that it hinders my life, it is mostly internalized  and food for insomnia more often than naught. Part of the glue that holds me together is Buddhism. Even during the time I strayed from my path I was practicing a kind of resting meditation when I went to sleep. Which sounds odd to me, but in reflection that is all it could have been. I have always held strong to many of the precepts through life, I don't and never will claim perfection in them. Falling down teaches me how to get up. But I try my best to live as Buddha suggests and to cultivate goodness in and around myself.

If you have read all of this two things are very obvious.
I am very long winded.
I confuse even myself at times.

So,to my question.

Is continuing to do what works a good enough reason to continue to do what works?

Offline Lobster

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Re: The Puzzle
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2016, 04:07:02 am »


You are doing good. You have found

  • the :chill:
  • the dharma  :buddha2:
  • the practice :om:

So the question is, what is next?
Well next was asking the question.

Now because you have the mind discipline and capacity let me turn it around ...

How would you answer your own question? I know you can ...  <3

Offline Ron-the-Elder

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Re: The Puzzle
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2016, 06:43:48 am »
Conscious:  "Is continuing to do what works a good enough reason to continue to do what works?"

A good question.  However, I cannot answer it for you, as  Lobster implied, only you can answer that question for yourself, because it is your practice, just as you cannot answer my personal questions, because I must exercise my own practice.

I can, however, tell you what I do in my practice:  "If it isn't broke, I don't fix it."  "I don't go looking for trouble, unless doing a safety & health, or maintenance inspection."  "The only time I apply oil (lubricant) is when I see rust, or detect friction."

That's about all I've got.

Welcome to FreeSangha.
What Makes an Elder? :
A head of gray hairs doesn't mean one's an elder. Advanced in years, one's called an old fool.
But one in whom there is truth, restraint, rectitude, gentleness,self-control, he's called an elder, his impurities disgorged, enlightened.
-Dhammpada, 19, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.


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