Author Topic: New to Buddhism  (Read 674 times)

Offline Compassion

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New to Buddhism
« on: March 20, 2018, 09:20:10 pm »
Hi all, my name is Doug. I'm 31 years old. My biggest fear is to be my true self in the presence of everyone. I usually only open up around people I'm comfortable with, so this makes for a stressful life.

I have been called "Buddhist"(before I became Buddhist) as a joke/insult due to my quiet nature and fear of being myself. I have just recently started the path to enlightenment. I am often afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing, and/or overlooking the right thing. I have been going to a Monastery in Richmond for a few days now, and today I went to one in Fairfield just to look around and was invited to stay for lunch. I never heard monks chanting until today, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but it was profound.

After lunch, I was looking at the shrine and felt a dark fear wash over me. I felt shame. But I had an inkling that this fear was some sort of obstacle. Maybe it was meant to show me that the path to enlightenment isn't always easy or understood. What is your take on this? I want to get outside opinions to learn others' points of view.

I've been occupying my time by studying Buddhism over the past week. I've called myself Buddhist for a year or so, but now I am committed. I had a deeply personal experience on my first visit to the temple in Richmond, which felt like pure contentment. I know that this is now my path. I've been listening to "Om Mani Padme Hum" chants most of the time I'm in my room. Even when I sleep. I have 114 days off of drugs and alcohol, and I have found eternal happiness that is more satisfying than any chemical I have consumed.

Namaste


Love

Offline Lotusmile

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Re: New to Buddhism
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2018, 09:56:03 pm »
Hi all, my name is Doug. I'm 31 years old. My biggest fear is to be my true self in the presence of everyone. I usually only open up around people I'm comfortable with, so this makes for a stressful life.

I have been called "Buddhist"(before I became Buddhist) as a joke/insult due to my quiet nature and fear of being myself. I have just recently started the path to enlightenment. I am often afraid of saying/doing the wrong thing, and/or overlooking the right thing. I have been going to a Monastery in Richmond for a few days now, and today I went to one in Fairfield just to look around and was invited to stay for lunch. I never heard monks chanting until today, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it, but it was profound.

After lunch, I was looking at the shrine and felt a dark fear wash over me. I felt shame. But I had an inkling that this fear was some sort of obstacle. Maybe it was meant to show me that the path to enlightenment isn't always easy or understood. What is your take on this? I want to get outside opinions to learn others' points of view.

I've been occupying my time by studying Buddhism over the past week. I've called myself Buddhist for a year or so, but now I am committed. I had a deeply personal experience on my first visit to the temple in Richmond, which felt like pure contentment. I know that this is now my path. I've been listening to "Om Mani Padme Hum" chants most of the time I'm in my room. Even when I sleep. I have 114 days off of drugs and alcohol, and I have found eternal happiness that is more satisfying than any chemical I have consumed.

Namaste
Your heartfelt fear whilst looking at the shine was attributing to your true kindness conscience developing from within. This was a good sign. Om Mani Padme Hum is one of many awesome chant which is very short and simple. It evoking both blessing and wisdom until your enlightenment. It ought not to be attached and discriminated, purely peace encompassing while chanting. Doing away your reliance over alcohol and drugs is a step closer into your enlightenment. Congratulation to a awesome milestone into the Buddha or omnipresent club :)

Offline Pixie

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Re: New to Buddhism
« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2018, 12:34:55 am »

After lunch, I was looking at the shrine and felt a dark fear wash over me. I felt shame. But I had an inkling that this fear was some sort of obstacle. Maybe it was meant to show me that the path to enlightenment isn't always easy or understood. What is your take on this? I want to get outside opinions to learn others' points of view.

Hi Doug,

Feelings of one kind or another come and go and it might be helpful for you to read this article "Liberating Emotions":

https://buddhismnow.com/2011/02/12/liberating-emotions-by-ajahn-sumedho/

 Different 'buddhist' schools and traditions arose after the death of the historial Buddha and they're not all the same as each other, so this book "An Introduction to Buddhism" might be useful:

https://toleratedindividuality.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/an-introduction-to-buddhism-teachings-history-and-practices.pdf

Best wishes,


Pixie _/|\_
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May they all be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May they never be deprived of true happiness devoid of any suffering.
May they abide in great impartiality, free from attachment to loved ones and aversion to others.

Offline Ger

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Re: New to Buddhism
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2018, 05:27:33 pm »
Hi all, my name is Doug. I'm 31 years old. My biggest fear is to be my true self in the presence of everyone. I usually only open up around people I'm comfortable with, so this makes for a stressful life.

Hi Doug,
I can relate.  I'm an old social phobic, only now getting to the place where I can feel fairly comfortable at a restaurant  (for which I'm quite thankful). :) I just wear a series of masks to relate to others at work and rarely open up to anyone.  Nothing good to see in there anyway. :)

Concerning the dark fear and shame, it could be the fear of the unknown, for instance the prospect of losing attachments to this present world and what that would mean personally.  The shame might be the cumulative effect of what buddhists call dukkha (I think that is the right word) and the remembrance of past wrong actions (and thoughts). To me it builds up over time until it is like dragging a ball and chain around with you everywhere you go.

But this is just me putting myself in your place and it might not match up to your experience at all.  In any case, good luck with your path, sounds like you are on to something.

 


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