Author Topic: being taken for granted?  (Read 1264 times)

Offline ZaZen

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being taken for granted?
« on: September 09, 2014, 03:20:04 am »
I have had some experiences in the past with people taking advantage of my selflessness, I was being used to purchase material items and then treated terribly. What should we do at such times? Do we blindly continue to give everything we have mentally and physically just to be used and hurt? :namaste:
Like the clear stillness of autumn water—pure and without activity; in its tranquil depths are no obstructions. Such an one is called a man of Tao, also, a man who has nothing further to do.
Wei-shan Ling-yu

Offline dhammaseeker51

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2014, 05:32:51 am »
There's a difference between being compassionate and generous, and just being stupid and getting walked over.
People who take advantage of you and abuse your generosity are not worthy of being called friends, and you need to show them you will not tolerate being misused. Unfortunately not everyone has heard the Dhamma, and some people are opportunists who sense easy pickings.
You  can still send them Metta and compassion- just don't let them get their hands on your cash!  ;D

with Metta

Offline Dharmakara

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2014, 05:59:02 am »
ZaZen, you might want to examine this from the bodhisattva point of view... for example, what is ours that is not given freely to others?

It doesn't mean that we become doormats, but when all is said and done the answer should be "nothing", not even out of a sense of dignity and certainly not out of a sense of self-preservation.

With that said,  compassion must always be tempered by wisdom --- if it's not tempered, then it is not skillful.

I came across an article by Susan Piver that touches on this:

Quote
Compassion is often confused with soft-heartedness. We might think that compassionate people are super sweet and always feel sorry for you. However, there is nothing weak about true compassion.

Compassion is an expression of the greatest strength. You are so confident that you can allow the sorrows of other people to touch you.

It is a gesture of bravery. You are so fearless that you can extend yourself to others.

It is an act of joy. You are able to connect, heart to heart, and, as far as I can tell, there is no other source of joy.

Some people might call this vulnerability, and it is. But here, vulnerability is synonymous with pure warriorship.

At the same time, it is extremely, heart-breakingly ordinary. We have all had the experience of compassion.


You can read the complete article here:
http://susanpiver.com/2012/04/23/compassion/

Offline Hieros Gamos

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2014, 12:21:26 pm »
It's not compassionate to someone else to turn them into an abuser.

Offline ZaZen

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2014, 06:27:31 am »
There's a difference between being compassionate and generous, and just being stupid and getting walked over.
People who take advantage of you and abuse your generosity are not worthy of being called friends, and you need to show them you will not tolerate being misused. Unfortunately not everyone has heard the Dhamma, and some people are opportunists who sense easy pickings.
You  can still send them Metta and compassion- just don't let them get their hands on your cash!  ;D

with Metta

Thank you for the reply dhammaseeker51, I eventually stopped hanging around with this group of people as negative behaviour was their persona. I deliberated myself with teaching of the Dharma but nothing worked! I explained about buddhism and the buddha but they laughed at me many times. It was not the cash that effected me, it was the way I was being treated in return... :namaste:
Like the clear stillness of autumn water—pure and without activity; in its tranquil depths are no obstructions. Such an one is called a man of Tao, also, a man who has nothing further to do.
Wei-shan Ling-yu

Offline Wonky Badger

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2014, 10:49:56 pm »
I agree with what the other's say about compassion but I also would like to add a thought about selflessness. ZaZen, have you thought about why you felt hurt? Could it have been because your action wasn't 100% selfless? Like anyone, you probably expected some kind of gratefulness and kindness in return. I probably would have too. The hard part about acting selfless is to expect nothing in return, not even a "thank you". There is a rule in investing which I think is applicable here: Never invest more than you are willing to lose (and don't be surprised when you lose it). That goes for money, time and energy.
My actions are my only true belongings.
I cannot escape the consequences of my actions.
My actions are the ground on which I stand.
---
What would Buddha do?

Offline Weagean

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2017, 04:53:05 pm »
Read "Path of The Bodhisattva" Gives an idea of sacrifice. Not saying I could sustain his attitude. Peace.

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Offline The Artis Magistra

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2017, 02:25:48 pm »
Someone is hurting you? Let them know and avoid it if possible.

Offline VisuddhiRaptor

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2017, 03:11:51 am »
Someone is hurting you? Let them know and avoid it if possible.

 :goodpost: :agree:

Offline The Artis Magistra

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Re: being taken for granted?
« Reply #9 on: July 18, 2017, 04:20:42 pm »
I liked yours too!

 


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