What do you mean by "observe the emotions"?

[kfcheng]

I've been more distracted with negative emotions recently. So I read all the postings here and searched around the web for more answers. Most of them advised against pushing the emotions away so that I can go back to the breath. Most say that I should gently observe with loving kindness the emotions I am feeling. By confronting the emotions, this emotion will disappear and I can get back to my breath.

However, I do not know how to gently observe with loving kindness an emotion. It looks and sounds simple on paper. But I'm at a total loss as to how to do it. Any strategies?

I am really sorry if this has been covered else where. I have read it, and I think I must be really dumb because I just don't understand how to do it. I really need some help.

[Hanzze]

Before we are able to observe phenomena in the right way, we need to train our mindfulness. If we have not trained our mind well we are not able to observe things (like emotions in this case).

Usually we train our mind in that way, that we simple try to stay on one object. In this case we do it with the breath.

I guess its good to do that training for a good while. Maybe you give it a fix time every day.

Its maybe good to start with counting the breath. When ever you breath out you count. So there is only focus on the breath and on counting. Maybe you start with counting till 20 while keeping the breath as naturally as possible. Before starting take 3 long breathes in and out, then 3 short breathes in and out. Try to relax and find a natural rhythm and start to count, if its stressfull, give it some time, just observe stressful and release. And count on.

You will lose the numbers you have counted, there is no problem. As soon as you realize that, start again by one.

Increase the session later and count maybe till 50, or even 100. If you feel one time comfortable and able to stay just on the breath, let go of counting.

To be able to have more success, its very needed to keep precepts seriously. Out of keeping them, you mind is more free of defilement and there are less strong emotions which you could fall attached to. This two things virtue and meditation need to go hand in hand. Step by step you form the basis to be able to just observe. Be patient with your self, that is the meaning of being kind to your self.

*smile*

[Optimus Prime]

kfcheng,

There are various ways of going about it.

In general, you want to sit quietly and see what comes up in your mind.  When you sit quietly, things will bubble up to the surface of your consciousness.  So whatever comes up, you can watch it, acknowledge it, "Oh, it's like this", put your attention on it and then let it go - let the emotion fade away.

You can also watch these things using 3 tools - impermanence, not satisfactory and not self.

So say you're watching anger come up. 
1.  You watch it and you look at its impermanence.  Watch it second my second - you'll see that it's a changing energy - it's not really constant - it fluctuates in intensity split second my split second - so you know it won't last.  Anger has it's own energy - so once it's used up, it's like a fire using up it's own fuel.  So you don't need to get rid of it - it will die out by itself (as long as you don't add any fuel on to the flames).
2.  Look at the unsatisfactoriness of the anger - it can't really satisfy you.  Look at what it does to your body - makes your face turn into a scowl, makes you tense, makes your heart rate and blood pressure go up and it's not a nice feeling to have - so why keep holding on to it.  Just let it go, leave the fire be and it will burn out of itself.
3.  Not self.  So you look at the anger.  Anger is just anger and not you.  It's just a feeling that arises and ceases.  So when you get angry, you don't say, "I am angry" - because this is the self view of identifying yourself with the anger.  Instead, you say, "There is anger" - this way, you can sit back and watch it, watch it arise, change in intensity and then watch it fade away.  And because you can sit back and watch the anger - then it is something separate from you - and so, you know for sure that it's not you.  It is just a feeling that arises and ceases.

Having understood anger using these 3 tools, it's easier to let it go.  You can use this sort of reflection with any emotion.

[ground]

Most of them advised against pushing the emotions away so that I can go back to the breath.

"Pushing away" usually is the recommendation of those who are obsessed with jhanas, deeper absorptions or attached to the rapture and happiness of samatha. But in some sense "the the rapture and happiness of samatha" is also an emotion. So they are just striving to replace the disliked by the liked and therefore the wheel keeps on turning. If one is obsessed with attainment of  concentrative temporary peace then everything else interfering is experienced as hindrance for this attainment, so the advice then is to "push away".

Most say that I should gently observe with loving kindness the emotions I am feeling. By confronting the emotions, this emotion will disappear and I can get back to my breath.

IMO that is better advice.

However, I do not know how to gently observe with loving kindness an emotion. It looks and sounds simple on paper. But I'm at a total loss as to how to do it. Any strategies?

In order to be able to practice this you have to cultivate loving kindness before. Your mind has to get very familiar with loving kindness so that it is enabled to generate it spontaneously with reference to any object.

The advantage of loving kindness is that it counters the habit of pushing away the disliked. Through cultivating it this habit is underminded and insight dawns that both "like" and "dislike" are just conditioned but that there is nothing in all that appears to the mind - be it outer phenomena like material objects or inner phenomena like emotions - that would be inherently connected with "like" or "disike". All is just habits caused by conscious or unmindful cultivation since beginningless time.


Kind regards

[kfcheng]

Thanks for all your replies and all your unlimited patience.

Although I constantly read about this loving kindness. But I don't know what it really is. Like what TMingyur said, I need to know what loving kindness is before I direct loving kindness to my negative emotions. But I'll try what Optimus suggested and see where it takes me.

 

[Hanzze]

That might help: metta "means" goodwill *smile*

Thanks for your patient and for give us a change to reflect on many things again and again!

[Optimus Prime]

kfcheng,

Metta (i.e., loving kindness) means being kind to yourself and to other people.  It means a kind acceptance of things whether good or bad.  Goodwill is a good term to describe it too.

Now it does not mean "liking".  For example, if you have a child - you may not like what the mischief that they get up to, you may not agree to how appalling their behaviour is - but you still love them for who they are - no matter how bad they turn out.  This is metta.

So in terms of meditation, whatever comes up, negative emotions, you don't try to get rid of them, nor do you try to grasp at them.  You just kindly accept that "Oh, anger has come.  Please come and take a seat and make yourself comfortable" and you leave it there, letting it all go.  "Oh, irritation has come. Would like like a cup of tea?  You are most welcome" and then you lay the irritation down to rest.

So matter what comes up in your meditation, you welcome it, accept it for what it is (metta) acknowledge it and let it go - you are allowing things to arise and you are allowing them to cease.

[Spiny le Norman]

However, I do not know how to gently observe with loving kindness an emotion.

I'd say there are 3 stages: recognition, acceptance and allowing to pass.  So first recognise the emotion for what it is ( simple labelling techniques can be helpful here ), then accept that it is present without being judgemental ( particularly important for "negative" emotions ).  Once an emotion has been skillfully acknowledged in this way it tends to pass.

More broadly this can be seen as an aspect of mindfulness, and you might find it helpful to explore the 4 foundations of mindfulness.  Also I'd recommend exploring the metta bahavana practice if you're not already familiar with it.

CP

[kfcheng]

I am a novice at meditation. I find all your tips very helpful and am integrating it into my practice. I understand that it is very hard for you to tell me what loving kindness is. It is like describing the colour blue to a blind person or describing mozart's symphony to a deaf person. I'll just have to put in the right effort to meditate and trust that eventually I'll finally understand the meaning of loving kindness.

I appreciate all your tips and suggestions. I cannot express my gratitude enough for all your patience.

[ground]

Karaniya Metta Sutta: Good Will
...
Think: Happy, at rest, may all beings be happy at heart. Whatever beings there may be, weak or strong, without exception, long, large, middling, short, subtle, blatant, seen & unseen, near & far, born & seeking birth: May all beings be happy at heart.

Let no one deceive another or despise anyone anywhere, or through anger or irritation wish for another to suffer.

As a mother would risk her life to protect her child, her only child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all beings. With good will for the entire cosmos, cultivate a limitless heart: Above, below, & all around, unobstructed, without enmity or hate. Whether standing, walking, sitting, or lying down, as long as one is alert, one should be resolved on this mindfulness. This is called a sublime abiding here & now.

Not taken with views, but virtuous & consummate in vision, having subdued desire for sensual pleasures, one never again will lie in the womb.

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/kn/snp/snp.1.08.than.html

Metta (Mettanisamsa) Sutta: Good Will

"Monks, for one whose awareness-release through good will is cultivated, developed, pursued, handed the reins and taken as a basis, given a grounding, steadied, consolidated, and well-undertaken, eleven benefits can be expected. Which eleven?

"One sleeps easily, wakes easily, dreams no evil dreams. One is dear to human beings, dear to non-human beings. The devas protect one. Neither fire, poison, nor weapons can touch one. One's mind gains concentration quickly. One's complexion is bright. One dies unconfused and — if penetrating no higher — is headed for the Brahma worlds.

"These are the eleven benefits that can be expected for one whose awareness-release through good will is cultivated, developed, pursued, handed the reins and taken as a basis, given a grounding, steadied, consolidated, and well-undertaken."

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/an/an11/an11.016.than.html

[catmoon]

I've been more distracted with negative emotions recently. So I read all the postings here and searched around the web for more answers. Most of them advised against pushing the emotions away so that I can go back to the breath. Most say that I should gently observe with loving kindness the emotions I am feeling. By confronting the emotions, this emotion will disappear and I can get back to my breath.

However, I do not know how to gently observe with loving kindness an emotion. It looks and sounds simple on paper. But I'm at a total loss as to how to do it. Any strategies?

I am really sorry if this has been covered else where. I have read it, and I think I must be really dumb because I just don't understand how to do it. I really need some help.

I'm just coming out of a major bad patch of anger and upset. Here's how I got out:

1. Metta meditation
2. Use of "May I be well, May I be happy, May I be free from suffering" as a sort of all day mantra. I would recite this with an effort to create these minds in response to anger and upset. Simple recitation doesn't do it: create the actual feelings of wellness, happiness and freedom from suffering. Even a very very small success at this is good.
3. Consideration of impermanence. "What if this all goes the worst way possible? I still won't starve or be forced to abandon my practice." Even if I am cheated out of house and home and all my friends abandon me, I can continue on the path.

[ground]

kfcheng

what may be confusing is that actually there are two main aspects involved in these responses as to practicing loving kindness with reference to negative emotions:

1.
loving kindness directed towards particular objects not being liked to undermine habitual rejection of these objects

2.
loving kindness directed towards universal objects to entail awareness release



as to 1:
if your negative emotions would be caused when encountering particular living beings due to their negative behaviour or when thoughts about these beings arise then practice of loving kindness towards these beings may be an appropriate approach to avoid further occurence of negative emotions when encountering these beings the next time. You apply the Karaniya Metta Sutta to these beings recognizing the negative behaviour of these beings as suffering.

if your negative emotions would be caused by self-reproach then catmoon's advice may apply

But you may also kind of "personalize" the negative emotions themselves, as if these were kind of "beings" themselves and when they arise sort of feel/think "Ah, there you are again, friend." which implies a relaxed and friendly attitude of embracing and not habitually reject and fight them as enemies.


as to 2:
having no particular object but "all beings" (including yourself) you train in generating loving kindness in the way of the Karaniya Metta Sutta or similar as a "dwelling for the mind". You train to dwell in the loving kindness generated through meditation on thoughts for longer periods of time until you get familiar and can evoke this sort of loving kindness dwelling at will.
This evocation then can be applied in each and every situation when - being mindful - you notice that negative emotions are on the verge of arising.
How does this function?
It functions in that the mind is released from grasping experiences, sights, sounds, i.e. all sense impressions and inner phenomena when in a state of loving kindness. The mind is relaxed and blissful. This is called awareness release.


IMO one should practice both approaches and I think that having some positive experience with approach 2 is a prerequisite for the success of approach 1.


Kind regards

[kfcheng]

Wow...that's some hardcore stuff going on with loving kindness. The problem is that I cannot identify what this negative emotion is. As in correctly pin it down. I don't know if I am angry with the person whom I hate, or do I feel attached, or do I feel depressed. Is it still possible to use the "May I be happy" method??

It's really hard to send loving kindness to someone whom has hurt me. I often want to wish for revenge but I know that it is stupid and it does nothing but escalate the situation. I am experiencing suffering through attachment first hand, but I feel like I am walking around in circles and it is affecting my meditation practice. I've found that I no longer can sit for a period of fixed time. I just give up half way because I'm overwhelmed by this negative emotions.

[Hanzze]

There is nothing wrong with them, just observe them and to get ride of them step by step: Dana (Charity) and Sila (virtue, precepts), that is the rough cleaning all the time to be able to work good on on meditation. *smile*

Focus on the breath again, if you get aware that you are caught by a thought or a feeling (what ever kind it may be). Just note them (it) "anger, anger, anger" and go on back to the breath. Don't give them food of additional thought. Just "anger, anger, anger" as long as it is needed and back again.

[Spiny le Norman]

Wow...that's some hardcore stuff going on with loving kindness. The problem is that I cannot identify what this negative emotion is. As in correctly pin it down. I don't know if I am angry with the person whom I hate, or do I feel attached, or do I feel depressed. Is it still possible to use the "May I be happy" method??

Yes, it's about developing a more kindly and accepting attitude to yourself.  We all struggle with difficult emotions at times, it's part of being human.  So while it's not helpful to indulge negative emotions or dwell on them, it is necessary to accept that they arise at times, and to realise that they will pass.  It can also be very helpful to talk to friends and family about how you're feeling.

CP