After a very boisterous conversation in the chatroom, where I was told I had my head up my butt, I decided it might be time to bring up the subject of polite conversation.
First of all, if you already are more than aware of another person's position on the topic, don't bring up the subject for the sole sake of pushing buttons or getting a rise out of the other person... such behavior is immature and certainly contrary to Buddhist practice within all traditions.
Basically, if a person can't have a polite conversation, they should either hold their tongue or just leave the chatroom, most certainly not tell the other person they have their head up their butt, something a mod would not tolerate, nor myself and other monastics, and the same should hold true and be afforded to all members of FreeSangha.
With that said, here we go... Guidelines for Polite Conversation [1]:
All of us are born with unique talents which are very peculiar to us. When it is a good quality we term it a talent and when it is irritating we call the person idiosyncratic. It is these quirks that differentiates us from the people around us.
One very important aspect of survival for our race is the ability to socialize and though it may seem easy and quite an ordinary trait, it is actually a talent which is acquired from the peer group, our family and the people around us. It can definitely be termed a talent because through this talent/trait a person can overcome/hide many of his/her shortcomings.
One essential element to socializing is to make small talk. When you meet someone new, in a party, a social gathering or a get-together with friends, it is through this trait that you make yourself seen/heard and separate yourself from the people around you.
It is often observed that people who have this trait in abundance, usually have no dearth of friends or acquaintances. Making small-talk is one of the most under rated traits in a person. This trait not only helps you engage people, it also makes you seem like a good listener. All of us love to talk and know that conversation with a person is made interesting only when there is continuation/flow of thoughts and without small-talk it is very difficult to initiate a conversation.
In fact, in some cultures it is deemed rude if people get right to the point without engaging in some polite conversation (small talk). For people who are practical minded, impatient or introverts, this is a big concern. The whole idea of talking about topics for the sake of talking brings in them an acute sense of discomfort.
One way, to avoid feeling this way is to talk about something that is of common interest to both of you/ to the group of people around you. If nothing, there is always the weather, the current political situation or a new movie.
While making small talk may seem perfectly harmless to some people, others may see it as a way to showcase their knowledge and prowess on the chosen topic. The first step to overcome the inability to make small talk, is to listen carefully and understand how people talk and observe the reaction of the people around. Sometimes, listening carefully is all it takes.
As a famous British writer once said, "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
Source(s):
[1] The Art of Making Polite Conversation
http://expertscolumn.com/content/art-making-polite-conversation
