Author Topic: Vajrayogini and Transvestism  (Read 1747 times)

Offline 0118401

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Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« on: November 19, 2010, 02:16:57 pm »
As a transvestite I was very excited when I found out about self-generating as Vajrayogini. Indulging my tranvestism is not at all whay my practise is about, however, I have found that when self-generated I can use my transvestite obsession with female clothing, the female form etc to increase clear appearence particularly, but also divine pride and feelings of bliss. Do these feelings mean that I have not fully dissolved my ordinary self into emptiness before self-generating as Vajrayogini? My transvestite tendencies actually seem to give a lot of power to my tantric practise, but I just want to be sure that I'm not making a big mistake in doing this.  
« Last Edit: November 19, 2010, 02:29:34 pm by 0118401 »

Offline Ngawang Drolma

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2010, 09:30:02 am »
Hi friend,

Your questions are good ones!  Due to the nature of Anuttarayoga Tantra, your inquiry can't be addressed on an open forum.  But if your practice has reached this stage, these would be excellent questions for your lama.  I wish I could assist more, but I'm sure you understand the nature of samaya.

I wish you the best in your Buddhist travels and your practice.

Kind wishes,
Laura

Offline swampflower

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2010, 10:00:50 am »
Vajrayana practice is really beyond Male/Female differences.
In the visualization the practitioner is really transformed into the deity so at that point there should be no self to be titillated.
Anyway, one is trying to acquire the attributes of the deity such as fearless compassion and so forth.
I would say take your obsession (your words) onto the Path and use it to cut away attachment.
Om Tare Tutare Svaha

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought.  The mind is everything.  What we think we become." Buddha Sakyamuni

Offline 0118401

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2010, 12:41:08 pm »
Hello Friends, thank you for all your helpful feedback thus far, and for taking this subject seriously. It really is rather a problem for me at the moment, however, I am hoping I can turn it to my advantage somehow. Consequently, I was particularly interested in your suggested approach Swampflower of taking my obsession onto the path and using it to cut away attachment. However, I am not sure how I would do this, I need some time to reflect. Any additional thoughts/advice would be welcome.

I appreciate your posititve comments about my questions Laura, and for the encouragement to talk to my lama. This is helpful, as although I have a wonderful teacher, I have not discussed this with them because this is such a personal (and frankly embarassing) issue, and the fact that I was not sure if it would be appropriate to discuss such matters with them.

Offline Ngawang Drolma

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2010, 01:37:12 pm »
Hello Friends, thank you for all your helpful feedback thus far, and for taking this subject seriously. It really is rather a problem for me at the moment, however, I am hoping I can turn it to my advantage somehow. Consequently, I was particularly interested in your suggested approach Swampflower of taking my obsession onto the path and using it to cut away attachment. However, I am not sure how I would do this, I need some time to reflect. Any additional thoughts/advice would be welcome.

I appreciate your posititve comments about my questions Laura, and for the encouragement to talk to my lama. This is helpful, as although I have a wonderful teacher, I have not discussed this with them because this is such a personal (and frankly embarassing) issue, and the fact that I was not sure if it would be appropriate to discuss such matters with them.

Hi there  :)

I understand that it's difficult to bring up this subject with your lama.  However, it is the only option at this point.  I wish you all the best.

Kindly,
Laura

Offline heart

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2010, 10:10:13 pm »
As a transvestite I was very excited when I found out about self-generating as Vajrayogini. Indulging my tranvestism is not at all whay my practise is about, however, I have found that when self-generated I can use my transvestite obsession with female clothing, the female form etc to increase clear appearence particularly, but also divine pride and feelings of bliss. Do these feelings mean that I have not fully dissolved my ordinary self into emptiness before self-generating as Vajrayogini? My transvestite tendencies actually seem to give a lot of power to my tantric practise, but I just want to be sure that I'm not making a big mistake in doing this. 


Interesting question. You could actually use this question to open up a closer relationship with your teacher. Maybe you should do that. Still from my imperfect view and experience I would say that it isn't a problem. Good idea to practice a yidam you feel deeply attracted to and use your fascination with female form to boot your clarity in visualization. But you should understand and study kyerim teachings, the development stage teachings, very well. One important point is that the form of the deity is empty and not to be visualized as corporeal. I don't know what tradition that you practice in but here are some suggestions what to read:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1559392290/ref=pd_lpo_k2_dp_sr_1?pf_rd_p=1278548962&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=1559390557&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_r=1KW4XVND5014CSGGAY4J
http://www.amazon.com/Deity-Mantra-Wisdom-Development-Meditation/dp/1559393009/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1290246562&sr=1-1
Just remember that it is important to receive these teachings in person also. It is a good idea to request them from your teacher. I think practicing Vajrayogini could be a liberating experience for you if you engage in it seriously. We all have a certain fascination with our yidam even if we not are transsexual like you. That fascination is the motor that gets us in to serious yidam practice. As we go deeper in our practice that fascination changes radically and eventually it might enlighten us. Anyway, there is an ancient history about the origins of Tantra. One morning when King Indrabhuti had a bath he saw some great orange birds flying in the the sky. He asked the servants what it was and the said; "that is no birds it is the Buddha and his disciples flying by in the sky". So the king invited the Buddha and asked him; "I cannot give up sensual pleasures  because I cannot give up my kingdom. Please teach me a way to transmute my pleasures in to wisdom?". The Buddha agreed  asked his Theravada disciples to leave, then he transformed himself as a heruka in the middle of the Guhyasamaja mandala and taught the Mahyoga Tantra for the first time for seven days to the king and his queens.

Good luck!
/magnus
 

Offline 0118401

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2010, 11:15:00 am »
Thank you for your post on the forum, most helpful. I have practised in the NKT for around 7 years with varying degrees of effort. I'm very serious about my practise these days. I like your comment about how I could use this question to open up a closer relationship with my teacher which could be very beneficial. Geshe Kelsang granted me the HYT empowerments, but I have my resident teacher for everyday practice support. The question could certainly help form a closer relationship with them as you say. 

Thank you for the book recommendations. I have benefited tremendously from the unambiguity of Geshe Kelsang's teachings and through using these texts almost exclusively. However, I have also found that there is definately a place for exploring texts by other teachers. I have received teachings, read and mediated a fair bit on emptiness, generation stage and completion stage. However, Gesha La's has never devoted an entire book to Generation Stage practice and I'm therefore very interested in the books you suggested, the first one particularly. This may give me some of the additional detail needed in my unusual circumstances.
I think I have a reasonable understanding that my self-generation is empty and not corporeal, simply a basis of imputation. Your comment about this is helpful as it made me realise that its the dissolution of my ordinary mind into emptiness, as opposed to my ordinary body, before self-generating that is the potential issue here. The fact that I'm getting excited when self-generated would seem to indicate that my ordinary mind is still at play. This is essentially what I need to explore. I thank you for your encouragement and for explaining how this could potentially be used to advantage in my practice if used very skillfully.

With Kindness  :)

 

Offline santamonicacj

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2010, 12:18:41 pm »
Since you are open to teachings from other teachers, there is a book called, "Generating the Deity" by Ven. Gyatrul Rinpoche you might like.
Warning: I'm enough of a fundamentalist Tibet style Buddhist to believe that for the last 1,000 years Tibet has produced a handful of enlightened masters in every generation. I do not ask that YOU believe it, but it will greatly simplify conversations if you understand that about me. Thanks.

Offline 0118401

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Re: Vajrayogini and Transvestism
« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2010, 01:40:54 pm »
Thank you for the book recommendation santamonicacj, I'll take a look at this  :)

 


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